DILLON T. PICKLE ANNOUNCES 2024 PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN
PORTLAND, OR (January 23, 2024) – In a shocking yet delightful turn of events, the beloved mascot of the Portland Pickles, Dillon T. Pickle, has officially thrown his hat – or should we say, pickle – into the political ring. Today, Dillon T. Pickle declared his candidacy for the 2024 Presidential Election, aiming to bring a whole new flavor to the world of politics.
Known for his infectious energy, zesty dance moves, and commitment to spreading joy, Dillon T. Pickle has become a household name in Portland and beyond. Fans of the Pickles can now look forward to cheering for their favorite green ambassador on a national stage.
Dillon T. Pickle's 2024 campaign slogan, "The Grin Will Win," reflects his commitment to tackling the tough issues facing our nation with a refreshing approach. From education reform to pickleball diplomacy, Dillon promises a campaign that's as crisp and lively as his performances at Walker Stadium. Dillon also looks to build upon his previous 2020 presidential campaign, where although he lost, it is alleged that he received more votes than Kanye West, also a 2020 hopeful.
Dillon will be selecting his running mate from the Green Party cabinet. Current Green Party members include SuperPepino (CD Leganés), Skipper (Lake County Captains), Maynard G. Mallard (Madison Mallards), Stanford Tree (Stanford Band), Venny (Venados de Mazatlán), Boogie (Carolina Disco Turkeys), Gnarly (Orange County SC), Draymond Green (troublemaker), and JP Pickles (quarterback).
Dillon has devised the following 10-point commitment plan:
Freedom, equality & goodwill for all Pickles, humans, animals, and even umpires.
“X” will now be referred to as “Twitter.”
Individuals previously deemed guilty of green charges (cannabis, money, tree crime, guacamole incidents, etc) to be pardoned and released.
Astros fans will pay an additional waste management tax of 6.9%.
All institutions to cancel student debt (except Florida State).
All citizens named “Dillon” get free upgrades on Alaska Airlines flights (no window seats).
Robux will replace the United States Dollar as the national currency.
Nationwide seventh-inning-stretch to take place at 4:20 PM on all weekdays.
“Big Farm-a” will no longer control our people.
Inflation will be eradicated
The Portland Pickles organization expressed their support for Dillon's political aspirations, with team owner Alan Miller stating, "Dillon has been a symbol of fun and community spirit for our fans. We're excited to see him take on this new challenge and make a positive impact on a national level."
Supporters can engage with the campaign across the internet, including on the Portland Pickles’s social media channels (@picklesbaseball) and dillon4president.com. Limited-edition merchandise is now available for sale on the campaign website and picklesshop.com.
As Dillon T. Pickle embarks on this unexpected journey from the baseball diamond to the campaign trail, one thing is certain – the 2024 election season just got a whole lot more flavorful!
For media inquiries, pickle-related puns, or to request an interview with Dillon T. Pickle, please contact parker@portlandpicklesbaseball.com.
About the Portland Pickles
The Portland Pickles are a collegiate wood-bat baseball team based in Portland, Oregon. The Pickles are a member of the West Coast League and play home games at Walker Stadium in Lents Park. The Pickles are the biggest party in town and lead the league in attendance with the best fans in the world!
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